Houston’s Supposedly Getting The Country’s First Robot Sex Brothel By The End Of This Month. What A Short Drive That Is To Legally Bone A Real Doll On The Cheap.

Thanks to Facebook’s handy memories feature, we know that, on this week in 2009, we were thrown by the following headline that appeared on Yahoo’s front page: “Making Robot Skin Feel Real Is Tough Task, Researchers Say.”

What fortunate timing that reminder is!

Just last week, an out-of-the-blue announcement by a Toronto businessman began ruffling the feathers of us Red Staters here in Texas. Seems the owner of KinkySdollS — which proclaims itself to be the first rent-before-you-buy adult love doll (read: sex doll) service in North America — announced that its first U.S. location will soon open in Houston.

It would appear that science solved that realistic skin issue, huh?

In any case, many pearls have already been clutched of late as the moral depravity of paying to fuck inanimate objects has been debated. But we’re not here to ponder the deeper issues, like whether robot brothels lead to the abuse of more human women or whether the fact that “people with gendered ideas make robots that conform to gender norms, which then perpetuates existing stereotypes.”

Plenty else has been written on those subjects elsewhere, so we won’t rehash them here.

Instead, let’s say you’re at least a little curious about engaging in intercourse with a recently sterilized blend of silicone and Thermoplastic Elastomer, and you’re looking for some more pertinent logistical info beyond the outcry currently dominating our news feeds.

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First of all, yes, it’s a given that there are people out there that would love to dip their wicks in biomechanical coin purses, so we’ll just skip past that. There are perks to this, of course: Robots are guaranteed to be disease-free; they are not going to have their pimps mug you; paying to have sex with one doesn’t appear to be illegal; and, depending on your personal outlook, you might not consider it cheating if you bone one while in a committed relationship with a human.

So, how much does it cost to get your robo-love on? The last reported figures we can find from the Toronto location of KinkySdollS shows that the operation charges $80 per half hour with a single doll in a “private and luxurious room,” which is a hell of a lot cheaper than the $2,000 to $10,000 retail figure it runs to buy one of these robotic Stepford Wives for your home.

Of course, that’s also a little pricier than the $20- to $25-for-15-minutes figure compiled in this 2014 report about real-human prostitution in Dallas. But our city’s underground brothels, that report also shows, are often tied to drug and sex trafficking organizations, among other legal activities. And who would want all those risk factors on their brains when they’re trying hurriedly to finish so as not to run up their tab.

Maybe the seediness level of your sin den isn’t weighing too heavy on your mind? Well, fact is, prostitution is already on the rise again in Dallas — the very illegal human-on-human kind, we mean — and even more so since DPD chief Renee Hall disbanded the vice unit this summer.

Regardless: Risks are risks, and even though you’re less likely to get busted by the fuzz for picking up an employee of the Harry Hines streets these days than you maybe used to be, embarking on a quick four-hour trek down I-45 sounds like a small added price to pay for a little extra privacy and a whole lot more safety and peace of mind, right?

There’s also something to be said about the fact that there’s already been one of these “rent-before-you-buy” operations open in Toronto for over a year now, and that it’s existence has gone fairly unnoticed to this point. That’s gotta be at least a little bit of an indication that we’re largely making a stink about nothing over here.

When the Houston mayor’s bid to regulate these guys out of business fails — at present there are no laws on the books governing sex robot businesses, as they don’t currently meet the definition of sexually oriented businesses and therefore do not require special permits — just know the “girls” will be ready and willing.

Or as it says right there on the KinkySdollS site: Their dolls “will be ready for you in every position you choose… lubed up and ready to play.”

Cover photo via KinkySdollS website.

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