Eat Your Feelings.

Your Instagram Selfie Only Got Nine Likes? This Is Bad.

Situation: You posted this amazingly cute selfie on Instagram and it only got nine likes, which, like, isn't even enough likes to make all the names go away. Hell, it's not even enough likes for you to “like” it so the names go away.
Feelings: sad, self-conscious, a little embarrassed.
Goal: uh, to look cuter in your selfies? No. No. No. That's just the insecurity talking. Your goal is to realize that Instagram likes are not a real reflection of how attractive you are. And who cares that your crush wasn't one of those nine likes? And who cares that your Aunt Sophie, whom has no business on Instagram was one of those likes?

Gah! The more you think about this, the worse things are going to get. You need to get your mind off of this. You need to think about something else. You need food. Real food. Glutinous food.

Barbecue Ramen Noodles is probably the best thing for you at the moment. It's cheap, it's easy and it's slightly hard on the eyes.

Basically, it's nothing like you or your selfie.

Ingredients: beef-flavored Ramen noodles (one package), a sausage or hot dog link (any meat will do in a pinch), some barbecue sauce.

Directions:
1. Prepare your Ramen as directed. Keep it a little on the dry side, though. Soupy isn't your goal here.
2. Warm up your meat in the microwave.
3. Drizzle your now-prepared Ramen noodles with your barbecue sauce.
4. Slice your meat and stir it into your Ramen.

Take a picture of your creation and Instagram it. Why? Because everybody knows that foods get more likes than selfies. This should definitely boost your ego some.

If, however, you in fact do not get more attention with this photo, I suggest you delete your account and just start over.

Your current batch of followers are probably really lame anyway.