D-Rated.

Air Raid, Bitches!

Welcome to D-Rated, our weekly feature that tries to determine if things are looking up or down for Dallasites by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.

911's a joke: Remember a few weeks ago when a South Dallas house was lost when its owners were put on hold after they'd called 911 to report that it was on fire? The city is now swearing it won't let that happen again. Guess we can call things even then! Plus 9.11.

Five For Fighting: Quintuplets were born in Dallas this week. Experts expect the babies' first words to be “reality show.” Plus 5.

Trail Mix: Now that the Trinity River levees have been OK'd by the Army Corps of Engineers, city council members have announced plans to build a $6.1 million network of trails around the Trinity. Good thing, too (see: next item). Plus 6.1.

Everything's Bigger in Texas: Texas is getting fatter! Thank God. We thought it was only us here at the office. Minus 10.

Don't Tase Me, Bro: A man claims he was tased for not fitting into a squad car. Because, as noted earlier, Texans are really fat. Minus 1.

Tag, You're It: Dallas could be making things easier for graffiti artists. But what, then, will the graffiti artists angrily tag about now? Plus 1.

Tip Drill: A Houston-based site claims Dallas is the worst city in Texas for tipping. Here's a tip for you, Houston: We don't believe you. Minus 2.

Up and Down: Oh, hey! Look! An Arlington cop body-slammed a 15-year-old girl! Could he have been auditioning for the WWE? They were, after all, in town this week. Minus 15.

Stop, Collaborate and Listen: Dallas Police Chief David Brown wants criminals to stop running from his cops, please. “Come on, you guys,” he was quoted as saying. “This isn't cool.” Minus 2.

The Air Up There: Never fear, West Nile freak-out folks. We're getting aerial sprayed! Don't worry, it probably won't kill your pets. Minus 1.

Last week's running total: Plus 4.05.
This week's count: Minus 9.79.
This week's running total: . Minus 5.74.