Can You Mail It?

Urine For A Surprise.

When you drop a package off at the post office, one of the first questions they ask is if the package contains anything that’s liquid, glass or hazardous. They tend to be pretty serious about that stuff. As we found out firsthand from our first week of research, biologically hazardous materials are a no-no.

So we really thought we’d be extra rebellious this week when we not only mailed an item that was unwrapped, but that was also very clearly a liquid and something of questionable biological hazard relation, too.

Truth is, we’ve had such a remarkable success rate with this little experiment that we’ve been getting a little cocky with our mailings.

So, yeah, it seemed like the perfect time to step our game up and get a little riskier by mailing ourselves some synthetic urine.

We were given the urine a couple of months back by a wise friend who very correctly assumed we’d be able to think of just the perfect use for it. When it came time to mail this week’s item, we quickly remembered the little packet of urine sitting in our nightstand, awaiting use in an ideal prank.

Our hesitations with this one had more to do with the biological hazard aspect than the fact that the flimsy plastic packaging that made it clear that there was liquid inside of the small pouch. Biological factors are really the only things we’ve even remotely had troubles with in this column from the beginning. We’re pretty sure that’s is why our baggie of hair has been the item that’s taken the longest to return, and most likely the reason why that opened condom never did make it back to us, despite never actually having been used.

And yet the urine made it back to us in just four days.

That’s the same amount of time it took the USPS to mail us our baseball cap, and our baggie of oregano dressed up to look like weed.

Item: Synthetic urine.
Estimated Value: $20.
Cost of Postage: $0.45.
Method: We wrote the address on a cut strip of plain white computer paper and taped it to the package. We made sure to position the paper so that the CLEAN URINE label was clearly visible.
Days to Deliver: Four days.
Condition Upon Arrival: Immaculate. There was no discernible visual evidence that the urine had even passed through the postal system, really.
Running “Can You Mail It?” Success Rate: 87.5 percent.