Get Blazed at Magnolia, Fried in Fair Park, Smashed at Legacy Hall, Fucked at Addison Improv, Tanked at Peticolas and Taken There at The Statler Ballroom.

If you want to eat a perfectly ripe banana every day this week, your best bet is not to just pick up a big bunch and hope for the best. Rather, follow this fantastic advice and grab two bananas from three separate bunches – some yellow ones, some slightly green ones and some mostly green ones.

And if you want to experience a perfectly enjoyable evening every day this week, your best bet is not to just leave the house blindly and see where the wind takes you. Rather, follow the handy guide below and know exactly what’s coming up every day beforehand.

Monday (8.20)
Whole Hog Spanish Wine Dinner at Sevy’s Grill
Yum.

Clairo at Cambridge Room
Flaming Hot Cheetos for everyone.

Tuesday (8.21)
Shakira at American Airlines Center
Hips don’t lie.

Super Smash Bros. Tournament at Legacy Hall (Free)
Duke it out.

Shattered Glass at Angelika Film Center
The story that shocked a nation.

Wednesday (8.22)
Peticolas Supper Club at Peticolas Brewing Company
Compliments to Chef Tre Wilcox.

Never Goin’ Back at Texas Theatre
A homegrown feature flick.

Thursday (8.23)
Corinne Fisher & Krystyna Hutchinson: The Bridget Bishop Tour at Addison Improv
The Guys We Fucked gals.

Dallas VideoFest: PawFest at Texas Theatre
Meow.

Gillian Welch at Majestic Theatre
Look at Miss Ohio.

Charlie Puth at Toyota Music Factory
With Hailee Steinfeld.

Cocktail Class at Foundation Room
Mix it up.

Oak Cliff Brewing Launch Party at Dallas Beer Kitchen
Cheers.

Friday (8.24)
Lenny at 100: A Bernstein Centennial Festival at Bass Performance Hall
Bernstein’s Jeremiah symphony.

Friends of the Dallas Public Library Book Sale at J. Erik Jonsson Central Library
Word up.

White Denim at Three Links
Playing two shows.

Shraban, Tre Ward at The Green Elephant
Take a molly with him.

Scratch Sessions: Kid Capri at It’ll Do Club
Pray for the plane.

Mavis Staples at Statler Ballroom
Ain’t no doubt about it.

Slim Thug at Rail Club
Welcome to The Fort.

Girls Club: The Ultimate Girl-Power at Granada Theater
Sudie, Lorelei K, The Bralettes, Alex Marie Brinkley and more.

Saturday (8.25)
6-Pack Trail, Bike Cruise & Craft Beer Tour at L.U.C.K.
Get on your bikes and drink.

Plus Fest at Killer’s Tacos
A Denton math rock festival.

Texas Summer Jam at Toyota Music Factory
W/ Randy Rogers Band, Parker McCollum, Mike Ryan and more.

Jamey Johnson at Billy Bob’s
Don’t bring your guns to town.

Dark Side of Oz at Texas Theatre
Everything under the sun is in tune.

Blaze at The Magnolia
Featuring a Q&A director Ethan Hawke and actor Ben Dickey.

Jeremih, Teyana Taylor at The Bomb Factory
See the light.

Dallas Comic Show’s Fantasy Festival at Lakeland Plaza
Geek out.

Wyclef Jean at Lava Cantina
The preacher’s son.

Sunday (8.26)
Heisenberg at Theatre Three
Closing night.

Big Tex Choice Awards at Tower Building in Fair Park
Get fried.

Wiz Khalifa, Rae Sremmurd at Dos Equis Pavilion
Bring your rolling papers.

’80s vs ’90s Party at RBC
A fight for the ages.

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