Things To Do This Week.

Move Like Jagger.

Some farmers in England recently solved the last of life's great problems when they created an onion that doesn't make you cry when it gets cut.

Even better? It doesn't make your breath smell all rotten after you eat them either.

Now that that's all taken care of, the biggest problem you've got left is deciding how you're going to spend the rest of your week. You're in luck there, too, as we've done the legwork for you there as well.

Sunday (2.15)
John Waters Live at Texas Theatre
An exercise in poor taste.

Rocky at Alamo Drafthouse
With a live 40-piece orchestra.

Mardi Gras Parade in Oak Cliff
Keep your beads to yourself.

Monday (2.16)
Maroon 5 at American Airlines Center
Move like Jagger.

KHYI The Range Music Awards at Double Wide
Ima let you finish.

Tuesday (2.17)
Trash Talk at Dada
With Ratking.

The Last Two People on Earth at Eisemann Center
An apocalyptic vaudeville play.

Smoke Paint at Dan's Silverleaf
AKA Daniel Markham and Tony Ferraro.

Wednesday (2.18)
Evan Dando at Three Links
It's a shame about Ray.

Thin Line Fest Opening Night at Campus Theatre
Jason Lee will screen his Midlake doc.

Thursday (2.19)
Red Bull Sound Select at Trees
With The Coathangers, Nothing, Cutter.

Big Sandy at AllGood Cafe
Straighten up and fly-right.

Pete Yorn at Kessler Theater
Search your heart.

Fresh 45s at Crown and Harp
Wax on, wax off.

Crate Dating at Off the Record
Mix it up snob style.

Wine Walk in Deep Ellum
Fill 'er up.

Friday (2.20)
Jamaican Queens at Crown and Harp
Can't say no.

Ticketstock at Irving Convention Center
It makes us want to roll our windows down and cruise.

Lights at Granada
Up we go.

Da Sweet Blood of Jesus at Texas Theatre
With performances from Buffalo Black and more to follow.

Mod Sun at Trees
Live, love, laugh.

Saturday (2.21)
Ticketstock at Irving Convention Center
Featuring a free Old 97's concert.

Pauly Shore at Addison Improv
Wheeze the juice.

Claire Morales at Rubber Gloves
Celebrating the release of her new album.

Logic at South Side Music Hall
Bounce.

Vice Palace's Cold Hearts Pre-Party at Josey Records
Break in the store's new stage with iill, Blixaboy vs Cygnus, ABACABA and TEEN %$#?.