The Eight Things You Definitely Shouldn't Bring To This Weekend's Mad Decent Block Party.
Welcome to Ranked, our recurring column where we take a long, hard look at oddly specific things pertaining to Dallas and tell you the order in which you should care about them.
This Sunday, the Mad Decent Block Party will take over downtown Dallas — that is, the entire underpass of the Woodall Rogers Freeway. This year's lineup promises almost a dozen of the electronic label's best acts, including Diplo and Skrillex in the rare form of Jack U.
And out of the countless music festivals Dallas will see this year, this is surely not one to miss, as last year Diplo himself ranked Dallas, in the nicest way possible we're sure, as having “the most bad bitches at a block party.” But before you slip on your custom made kandi facemask and CamelBak and get ready to turn up, sit back and turn down. For what? Safety.
Following the tragic drug-related deaths of not one but two attendees of the Maryland Block Party, Diplo and friends decided to take action. So, in addition to the rigorous security measures already taken at the festival, Mad Decent announced they would be taking preventative measures at the remaining block parties by banning almost any and all drug-related paraphernalia and accessories. Well, this certainly caused some uproar in the rave community, to which Diplo just shrugged off and responded: “I have thick skin so u guys that consider yourself plur can attack me all you want it doesn't bother me.. I'm just here for the music.”
But drugs aren't the only items Diplo and Co. have banned from this Sunday's Mad Decent Block Party, and here we've ranked our eight favorites from that lengthy list.
8. No kandi.
That's right! At last! No more time wasted staring at strangers' wrists wondering how they can even lift their arms while wearing sleeves of plastic glow-in-the-dark beaded chain mail! Now, if you see someone you really like you can meet him or her the normal way: by shaking their hand and introducing yourself! And now that you don't need to spend any time making kandi this week, look at all these other awesome things you can do instead.
7. No LED gloves or LED microlights used for light shows.
There are professionals who do this for you — no really, look at the stage. See all those crazy lights and pyrotechnics? Somebody worked really hard on that. Don't steal their shine.
6. No pacifiers.
We're no dentist but I have reason to believe all of your permanent teeth finished coming in a long time ago. You're a full grown adult at this point. And if you're not, you probably shouldn't be at the festival anyways.
5. No massagers.
You're going to a block party! You're going to be dancing and expressing yourself until the sun sets! You're also going to be so sweaty and dirty that no one should even want to touch you, let alone give you a massage. Leave that bad boy at home; it'll be much better after the show, and a long shower, trust us.
4. No stuffed animals or dolls (including plush backpacks).
Hold on: first kandi, then pacifiers, and now stuffed animals? What kind of party is this anyways? Sure, we might still own a stuffed animal or two (or five) but we'd be too ashamed to bring any of them to a party. Besides, they could get dirty…
3. No large purses or bags.
We've all been there, standing right behind the dude with the super huge, jam-packed backpack who dances so aggressively, his Jansport gives you a rash. Well, homie, looks like you're going to have to opt for a fanny pack this time around.
2. No open packs of cigarettes or unsealed tampons (upon entry).
There's nothing really special about this one, actually, except for the fact that after this restriction was applied, Dillon Francis made it rain SEALED tampons at the Philidelphia Block Party because he “looks out for his girls.”
1. No drugs/drug paraphernalia/illegal substances.
Ah yes, the most important one. You know why? Because you are an awesome human being, who is totally capable of having all of the fun in the world without any sort of crutch from an illicit substance. Now imagine yourself with all your friends at all-day party with some of the wildest, most turnt producers in the game right now. How could you not have fun? Oh yeah, by making one wrong choice and risking the safety of both you and those around you, and potentially your life. When at the end of the day we're all just here to have a good time, right?
And yes, in case you were wondering, twerking is still allowed at this year's Block Party. In fact, it's highly encouraged.