Pete Freedman
How Many Members of [Insert Local Band Here] Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?
One night about five years ago, Sean Conway told me what remains to this day the single greatest local music joke I’ve ever heard.
This was back when Conway, the bassist in local band Hello Lover, was still working at Bryan Street Tavern. He and I were bullshitting about the local scene and having a few laughs when, all of a sudden, an especially snarky smirk started to form on his face.
He leaned in, making sure I could hear him over the din of the room.
“How many members of the Polyphonic Spree does it take to change a light bulb?” he asked.
I laughed at the premise alone. Patiently, he waited me out.
“Twenty-six,” he said, “One to screw it in, and 25 to sing about how bright it is.”
I mean, even if you revere the Polyphonic Spree, you’ve gotta admit it: That’s a great joke.
Unfortunately, far as I know, it’s the only legitimate local music joke that there is. I hadn’t heard another honest-to-goodness set-up-and-punchline one before that night, and I’ve yet to hear another one since.
But let’s change all that, yeah? Not because the Dallas music scene is laughable — but rather because, listen, you should be able to laugh at yourself from time to time.
With that in mind, we present some new local music light bulb jokes that we hope you’ll enjoy. Use them to your heart’s content. Just as the scene belongs to the community over the individual, so too do these cracks.
Oh, and if you come up with any of your own, by all means, share them! — Pete Freedman
Q: How many members of Old 97’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: For the most part, just one. But every now and then, Rhett lets Murry give it a whirl.
Q: How many members of the Toadies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. And, once it’s done, they’ll celebrate it for 20 years.
Q: How many members of The O’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they’ll both do it anyway, and, let me tell you, they’ll think it’s hilarious.
Q: How many members of Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Man, they keep trying to screw it in, but those assholes at the label…
Q: How many members of the Texas Gentlemen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six or seven of them, and, once they figure out how, they’ll do it about 16 times more, under 16 different names.
Q: How many members of Brain Gang does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Eight. And they’ll all need Blue’s help.
Q: How many members of The Relatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just two, mainly. But it’ll take 40 years before anyone finds out about it.
Q: How many members of Blackstone Rangers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, and the Observer will be especially impressed by the banjo player’s efforts.
Q: How many members of Ishi does it take to screw in a black light?
A: One, and, if you try to tell anyone otherwise, you’re out of the band.
Q: How many members of Seryn does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. Three to screw it in, plus three more to try and convince you it’s not about Jesus.
Q: How many members of Ice Eater does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five, but only four of them will wear shirts.
Q: How many members of True Widow does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: True Widow prefers the darkness, thanks.
Q: How many members of A.Dd+ does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but a whole bunch of people will think it’s “two-plus.”
Q: How many members of Air Review does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: KXT said four, I think?
Q: How many members of Midlake does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. But, listen, they really don’t like to do it too often because it takes a lot of work to make sure you screw in a light bulb perfectly.
Q: How many members of RTB2 does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, plus anyone else in Denton that wants to join in.
Q: How many members of Son of Stan does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to screw it in, plus a rotating cast of others who will be there to remind you that Jordan also used to screw in light bulbs for Ben Harper back in the day.
Q: How many members of Power Trip does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw it in and another four to steady Riley’s stepladder.
Q: How many members of Booty Fade does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to spin it and another to shout, “Look at my man spinning it right now!”
Q: How many members of Brutal Juice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wow, those guys are still trying to change light bulbs?