Asshat of the Week.

Someone Blinded A Medic With A Laser Pointer This Week? What. The. Hell.

Dear Person Who Blinded A Care Flight Medic With A Laser Pointer,

How's it going? Had a good week?

Huh? What's that? Not so much, you say? All the pressure you've been feeling in trying to stay under the radar after you shined a laser pointer into a St. Paul Hospital-bound care flight helicopter last Friday and partially blinded one of the medics is getting to you?

Well, buck up! You've joined an elite group.

Seriously: It's a big ask to do something on a Friday and have it hold up the full week, but your unique combination of utter stupidity and disastrous aim managed to get the job done.

I mean, we're certainly no strangers to ill-conceived impulses. Hell, we've even had a few good times with laser pointers — back, y'know, in 1996 or whatever — but, seriously, what the hell were you thinking?

In the hierarchy of people you want to harass with an electronic device, medics on a hospital-bound helicopter have got to be pretty damn low. Wouldn't it have been more fun, and a lot less dangerous — not to mention less idiotic and criminal — to, say, mess with your dog or something? I mean, that would have been pretty stupid, too. And hopefully your dog would have bitten you. But at least you wouldn't be looking at a potential federal prison term, right?

And to think: You weren't even an original moron, were you? Just this past July, Kenneth Santodomingo was sentenced to two and a half years in prison for shining his laser pointer at a Dallas Police chopper multiple times. And yet, here you went, copying him even down to the green color of the pointer.

Lame, dude.

As for you, Mr. Recuperating Medic, we sincerely hope that the damage to your eyes isn't permanent. Thank you for your service to North Texas. And, please, accept our sympathies for having to deal with asshats like this guy or gal.

As for the rest of Dallas: Can we please make this the last jerk-with-a-green-laser story we're going to hear?

Last thing we want at this point is to have to read a Dallas Morning News crime trend piece about it.

Yours Truly,
Stephen Young and the rest of the Central Track staff