D-Rated.

Introducing Central Track's Weekly Look at The Quality of Life in Dallas.

Welcome to D-Rated, our new weekly feature that tries to determine if things are looking up or looking down for Dallasites by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.

Everything is indeed bigger in Texas: Rangers Ballpark announced this week the addition of a $26, one-pound, 24-inch-long “Champion Dog” to its concession item menu. It comes in a bun also stuffed with jalapeno peppers, grilled onions, chili, nacho cheese and self-loathing. Plus 24.

Your mom goes to college: KTCK 1310-AM The Ticket's adored producer and “drop artist” Michael Gruber announced this week that he will soon leave the station to pursue his college degree, effectively killing off an entire generation of jokes about Danny Balis liking steak in the process. Minus 13.

Pony up: 71-year-old Hall of Fame basketball coach Larry Brown, who led the Kansas Jayhawks to a national title in 1988, has reportedly expressed interest in filling the head coach vacancy in SMU men's basketball program. Maybe our area golf courses really are that great? Plus 1.

Water works: Remember all that rain we had last week? It helped our region's reservoirs jump to from under 70 percent full to almost 77 percent full in less than a month. Plus 7.

Justin Bieber ruins area great-grandmother's life: Justin Bieber is wreaking havoc on an 81-year-old Dallasite's phone line after the teen icon inadvertently tweeted the first nine digits of a 214 number that lined up with hers. She calls the fans who've incessantly been calling her house “pathetic,” but concedes that she would accept concert tickets as an apology, since her grand-daughter, who has terrible taste in music, is a fan. Minus 2.14.

Accessory to bank robbery: A man described as having a mohawk and wearing a fedora went ahead and robbed a bank in town this week, uniting stereotypes of the usually at-odds Uptown and Downtown scenester sets, and simultaneously placing pretty much everyone we know under suspicion. Push.

Uppers and downers: Black market Adderall prices are climbing due to a nationwide shortage of the drug, and even the trust-fund babies at SMU are being affected, with prices rising as much as three bucks a pill on campus. On the plus side: More students are paying attention in economics classes. On the other hand: Um, do you guys know any dealers whose prices haven't risen exponentially in recent weeks? We're asking for a friend. Minus 3.

This week's total: Plus 13.86
This week's starting point: Zero.