Being Cooped Up In Your Home Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Continue Living Life As The Stereotypical Dallasite You Normally Are.

It’s official: Starting at 11:59 p.m. on Monday, March 23, and running through at least 11:59 p.m. on Friday, April 3, every citizen of Dallas County is to shelter in place.

With each passing day bringing more and more restrictions as our government officials look to contain the spread of the coronavirus pandemic, this writing on the wall has been around for some time.

Chances are, you’ve already mentally prepared yourself for it. If not, here are a few already-touched-upon options at your disposal throughout the duration of this mandate:

  • Even with their dining rooms mandates closed, many restaurants statewide remain still open, taking advantage of the fact that pick-up and delivery service remains OK in the eyes of the law for the time being. If you can afford to support these spots, know that your business would very much be appreciated, what with sweeping layoffs are hitting our beloved service industry spots especially hard at the moment. Speaking from experience: Ordering some well-prepared food from your favorite establishments during these trying times very much offers a welcome respite from bleaker thoughts about this current situation. Added bonus: Thanks to a temporary statewide lifting of some TABC regulations, a number of these spots are also selling booze as part of their pickup and delivery options, meaning that orders made through them could help you avoid long lines not just at grocery stores, but also at liquor stores.
  • Many Dallas artists are taking advantage of modern technology to stream performances online. We’ve already highlighted some of these bigger livestreams, and hope to point you in the direction of some other local entertainment efforts worthy of your support soon. In the meantime, we just recommend paying close attention to the social media postings of your favorite area talents for updates on this front — and, where possible, tipping these performers for their efforts, as their suddenly gig-less landscape has too put them in a state of financial worry.
  • If you can afford both the money, space and time, there are a number of puts currently seeking shelter — both in terms of fostering and adoption — at Dallas County Animal Services, which has waived any fees associating with bringing one of their in-need pets into your world for the time being. If you’re in need of companionship during these stressful times, this could be a great option for you, especially considering the time you’ll have on your hands to help acclimate your new pal into your surroundings and life.

But what about options beyond that?

Well, it’s important to remember, we think, that even as the hustle-and-bustle slows, life does not grind to a halt. Many businesses remain open and are continuing operations as usual in work-from-home capacities.

Beyond just that, though, it’s also important to hang onto your identity during this stretch. As our interactions with one another are being reduced to phone calls and video chats as social distancing orders take over our lifestyles, our sense of community doesn’t have to suffer.

In fact, it can still thrive. Even from the comfort of your own home, you can still lead a decidedly stereotypical Dallas lifestyle.

How so? Well, it’s pretty simple, actually. Just engage in one of the below suggestions we’ve come up with for the “Most Dallas” types of things you can keep on doing during the shelter-in-place order.

The Most Dallas Activities You Can Still Engage In While Sheltered In Place During The Coronavirus Pandemic:

  1. Make a racist post in your local neighborhood Facebook group.
  2. Cue up some old episodes of Cheaters and see if you spot any friends or notable geographic locations from around Dallas.
  3. Continue not watching The Real Housewives of Dallas.
  4. Wonder why Jerry Jones (the owner) won’t fire Jerry Jones (the general manager).
  5. Make vague plans with friends about setting up a lunch meeting.
  6. Set up a VIP area in your living room and overcharge your roommates for drinks.
  7. Defer lease payments on that car you never were going to be able to afford in the first place.
  8. Consider purchasing and gentrifying entire blocks of real estate in North Oak Cliff.
  9. Complain that your “favorite” restaurant, which you haven’t visited in years, is closing.
  10. Refer to Fort Worth as a suburb of Dallas.
  11. Reminisce about how much cooler Deep Ellum used to be.
  12. Talk about how much you’d love to go to a Dallas Stars game one of these days.
  13. Max out your credit card.
  14. Convert your dining room into a The Office-themed pop-up.
  15. Overdress for a video conference call.
  16. Cut out the letters “B” and “G” from some old pizza boxes and take a selfie between them to boost Dallas tourism and civic pride.
  17. Argue about how much better Whataburger is than In-N-Out.
  18. Work on your Robocop impression.
  19. Impede pedestrian traffic by haphazardly leaving a discarded electric scooter in a hallway.
  20. Debate the merits of Fuel City’s tacos.
  21. Continue mining NorthPark gold.
  22. Make a flyer for a racist SMU frat party.
  23. Cocaine?
  24. Complain about the Dallas Mavericks’ jerseys — and design a better one.
  25. Stand in line for hours at your front door while awaiting barbecue delivery.
  26. Draw a 13 on your bicep.
  27. Point out how empty and unused Fair Park is these days.
  28. Embark on a wine walk through your home.
  29. Help your influencer significant other set up photo shoots for the ‘gram.
  30. Blame the weather on WFAA meterologist Pete Delkus.

But, also, in all seriousness: Keep staying the fuck home, and continue to wash your damn hands.

Emily Beattie, Matt Lindner, Morgan McPheeters and Garrett Stump contributed to this report.

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