It's Kind Of Been A Down Week Here in The D.
By Pete on Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 4:10 PM
Welcome to D-Rated, our weekly feature that tries to determine if things are looking up or down for Dallasites by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.
A nice crime... for us to poop on: A 76-year-old Lewisville man was arrested late last week after admitting to police that he'd shot his his wife and two dogs. His stated reason for doing so? The pets had defecated inside of the couple's home. Just a shitty scenario, overall. Minus 3.
Being in court just stinks: Visitors to the Frank Crowley courthouse were greeted with a mysterious odor this morning. One person at the courthouse reportedly said the stench smelled of "doo doo mixed with fish sticks," which is kind of an oddly specific description, don't you think? Minus 1.
School house rocked: Seems ads on the sides of buses aren't just for the DART system any more. The financial situation at the Dallas Independent School District has gotten so bad that authorities are considering allowing advertisements on the sides of school buses, and even on the tops of area school roofs. We're really hoping the old "sex sells" adage doesn't apply here. Minus 2.
Do not take the bait: Because of the success of their "bait car" program, in which Dallas Police wire abandoned cars with cameras, park them on the side of the road and wait for them to be stolen so they can pounce on would-be criminals, DPD has announced that it will now be employing a "bait house" strategy as well. How soon before this becomes a reality show a la To Catch A Predator, only without Chris Hansen? Plus 2.
Take Dat Witchu: E! reality series Khloe and Lamar finally caught up to real life this week, as Sunday's episode dealt with the fact that Lamar Odom had been traded from his beloved Lakers to the Dallas Mavericks. Sure, he's been terrible since arriving in town, but at least we now have a defense when someone asks us why the hell we're watching Khloe and Lamar. Plus 7.
Robofish: The city that brought you Robocop is getting closer to making that dream a reality, as researchers at the University of Texas at Dallas revealed this week that they have built a fully functional robotic jelly fish. Because, really, that's what the world needs. Still, it's pretty cool, we think. Plus 1.
Max funding: Noted jackass and Internet celebrity Tucker Max tried to donate $500,000 to the very-desperate-for-funding Planned Parenthood Dallas organization this week, only to be refused. Sure, the guy's a tool, but money's money, y'all. Minus 5.
Just eat it: North Texas counties are among the healthiest in the state according to a new study, which means we can totally use today as our cheat day in our diet. Chicken-fried steak, anyone? Plus 2.
Old dirty bastards: A leafy green weed has started dominating the habitats of such beloved state wildflowers as the bluebonnet. The weed is called -- no joke here -- bastard cabbage. Minus 2.
Famous last words: Right before he was executed earlier this week, Jesse Joe Hernandez, who had been convicted of beating a 10-month-old to death in 2001, used his last words to shout "Go Cowboys!" We, on the other hand, have no words. Minus 1.
Yeah, but they look good doing it: Speaking of the Cowboys, the team unveiled this week the slightly redesigned uniforms they'll be sporting in the upcoming NFL season. They look exactly the same as the old ones. We think that's a good thing, but, really, we don't even know what to think when it comes to the Cowboys any longer. Plus 1.
Oh, James: Famed actor and curio James Franco has been tapped to give the commencement speech at the University of Texas at Arlington's graduation ceremonies this year, likely placing thousands of UTA students one degree closer to Kevin Bacon. Plus 6.
Tornadomageddon: No one died during yesterday's onslaught of at least a dozen tornadoes in the Dallas area, but plenty of homes were destroyed. Plus, we all had to put up with phone calls from out-of-town friends and relatives checking to see if we were OK. Talk about inconvenient. Minus 12.
Last week's total: Plus 13.86.
This week's count: Minus 9.
This week's total: Plus 4.86.