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Ask A Narcissist.

Ask A Narcissist.

I Follow My Dreams. You Should, Too.

By Chelsea on Friday, October 26, 2012 at 3:51 PM

Dear Narcissist,
I've been single now for about two years. I've become really happy living alone and being on my own. I feel content most of the time, but lately I've been struggling with this question: Should I be happy that I like being alone or should I totally freak out that I'm going to be alone the rest of my life?
-- Lost in Lancaster

Well, as a person who lives alone myself (I got kicked out of my last apartment because my roommates were not down with me playing "Working for the Weekend" on a loop), I feel that being alone can kind of be awesome.

First off, pants are always optional. Secondly, you can store things in your sink. For some reason, my old roommates weren't cool with me putting bicycle tires and my music box collection inside of the sink. (If you think about it a sink is a really nice storage area. It's deep and you can easily wash things.)

I guess you are talking more about "romantic" relationships than anything else, though, yeah?

I know a lot about romantic relationships because I've seen the classic movie Gigli, where a healthy and long-lasting relationship serves as a focal point of the film.

What I've learned about relationships is that cats are the best. You should get a cat. They will be there all the time and annoy you just enough so that you feel like you're in a legitimate human relationship.

Hey Narcissist,
I hate Halloween. I think it's for kids. Adults that are super into it kind of weird me out. Plus, it's total amateur hour for drinking. I don't want to go out to a packed bar and watch people drink so much that they back up the bathroom line because they are barfing. Plus, pretty much everyone's costumes suck. The problem is that there's this guy I like and he's really into Halloween and I can't break it to him that I think it's totally dumb. Is he going to dump me when he figures out I'm a holiday curmudgeon?
-- Whatever in The West Village

Maybe he will. But have you ever thought that your curmudgeon behavior is more of a problem than his enthusiasm?

Unless his love of Halloween has caused him to break out a "sexy Elmo" costume, it's kind of a temporary thing that maybe you should learn to deal with. Nobody's going to make you dress up as Little Bo Peep (hopefully), so maybe you could just ride the wave for a little bit.

While we're on the subject, I feel like Halloween is totally not the best holiday. The best holiday is definitely Arbor Day, because trees are pretty cool. Have you ever climbed a tree? I used to climb trees all the time until once I fell out of the tree and broke my arm. I would've been pretty pissed about it except that I got people to draw photos of trees on my cast.

Dear Narcissist,
I'm in a tough spot. I want to purchase something that's out of my means. Fortunately, I have a scheme to come up with the money to purchase said item. My plan is to get approved for an 18-month, interest-free credit card with a limit large enough to make my big purchase. Then I'll sell a bunch of items I no longer use within the next 18 months and pay off the card in full, before interest and debt come back to make me regret these decisions. All of my friends and family tell me this is a terrible idea and that things will inevitably happen to make this unnecessary debt haunt me for months -- and maybe years --- to come. I think it's a brilliant idea that I can definitely pull off. What should I do?
-- Tabbed Out in Uptown

My advice is that you should follow your dreams, even if your dreams are dumb and unrealistic and could potentially cripple you in a mound of inescapable debt.

I once had a dream that I was an eagle, so, the very next day, I bought some feathers and wood and made myself a pair of wings. Unfortunately, I couldn't fly anywhere. But I was able to get my photo taken for some American-style memorabilia.

Anyway, debt isn't really all that bad. I mean, that just means that, at one point, you had money to spend. Of course, if you're going to get all "critical" about it, I guess you could say that you never had the money in the first place. But that is a tiny inconsequential detail.

Follow your dreams, my friend.

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