Remembering The Lives of The Texas Rangers' World Series Hopes, Kickstarter and More.
By Cory on Wednesday October 10 2012 at 12:33 PM
Each week, dozens of memes, trends and pop culture items die quiet, unceremonious deaths. We'd like to publicly give these dead trends the proper memorials they deserve.
Then, we kindly request that we never speak of them again.
The Texas Rangers' World Series Hopes
The Texas Rangers' World Series Hopes, born April 6, 2012, was ruled dead October 5, 2012. A once vigorous and fierce competitor, he spent his final days suffering from dry corneas, fatigue and a severe slump. Before The Texas Ranger's World Series Hopes were going, going, gone, they were happy just to touch home one last time. The Texas Rangers' World Series was preceded in death by brothers The Dallas Cowboys' Perfect Season Chances, The Dallas Stars' Hopes Of Playing A Full Season, and an uncle, Claw and Antler T-Shirts. He is survived by Josh Hamilton's Free Agency Rumors.
Voter Registration, 4, elected to end her own life on October 9, 2012. An extremely civic-minded woman, Voter Registration never missed a city council meeting and attempted to volunteer for jury duty on more than one occasion. But she was not all business either: It didn't matter whether democratic, republican or independent, Voter Registration mainly just cared about partying. Voter Registration was preceded in death by a father, Hanging Chads, and the website Votefortheworst.com. She is survived by the 7-Election. In lieu of flowers, her family asks not what your country can do for you.
We need to hold a funeral for our deceased loved one. Kickstarter, launched April 28, 2009, expired on October 8, 2012. Pledge $5 or more and receive an invitation to memorial services. Pledge $10 or more and have your name read during the opening of the will. Pledge $50 or more and we'll let you be a pallbearer. Pledge $75 or more and you can deliver the eulogy. Estimated delivery: October 11, 2012. Kickstarter is survived by his father, Crowdsourcing.
A strong proponent of arts-based cultural tourism, Marfa, Texas, went to a better place on October 6, 2012. His kitsch was magnetic, attracting friends and visitors from all walks of life. He leaves behind a large collection of western shirts, mountains of books, art supplies and an assortment of props from the film Giant. Marfa, Texas, is preceded in death by parents Portland, Oregon, and Van Horn, Texas. She is survived by Beyonce's Tumblr Account.
iOS6 Maps Jokes
Missing since September 22, iOS6 Maps Jokes was found lifeless on October 7, 2012. Friends say just before he disappeared, iOS6 Maps Jokes had asked for directions to a popular market just around the corner. He will be remembered for his passion for geography and for his ability to carry on conversations. Friends say he was never at a loss for words. He was born September 19, 2012. iOS6 Maps Jokes was preceded in death by parents There's An App For That Jokes and Tom Tom. He is survived by an older sister, Zoey Asks Siri Jokes. In lieu of flowers, the family asks, "Do you know how to get home from here?"