Remembering The Lives of Swag, Claw Nails, Burning Man, Compact Discs and the iPhone 4S.
By Cory on Wednesday, September 12, 2012 at 2:44 PM
Each week, dozens of memes, trends and pop culture items die quiet, unceremonious deaths. We'd like to publicly give these dead trends the proper memorials they deserve.
Then, we kindly request that we never speak of them again.
Born in the summer of 1986, Burning Man went up in smoke on September 6, 2012. Known for his radical beliefs in inclusion, self-reliance, self-participation, civic responsibility and participation, Burning Man's spirit will continue to live on in effigy. He was preceded in death by his great grandfather Cro-Magnon Man, his parents Woodstock and The Aggie Bonfire, and his sister Lilith Fair. Memorial services will be held at Black Rock Desert from September 14 to September 20 and will culminate a burning of the body. In lieu of purchasing flowers, the family asks that you support the principle of decommodification and trade for gifts of similar value.
After a very pointed existence, Claw Nails' life was cut short on September 8, 2012. An avid painter and collector of press clippings, Claw Nails was known for her sharp wit, although this barely scratches the surface of her colorful personality. Claw Nails is preceded in death by her grandmother French Tips, her great aunt Crackle Polish, her mother Press-Ons, her father Nail Art, and her sister Square Tips.
Compact Discs, born October 1, 1982, skipped into Heaven on September 9, 2012. He was one of the most famous music and information mediums of the late '90s and early '00s. Prior to his death, he had been living in a protective sleeve after being severely scratched in 2005. CDs is preceded in death by his grandparents Phonograph Cylinders and Gramophone Records, his parents LaserDiscs and Cassette Tapes, his uncles Betamax and VHS, his brother 8-track Tapes, and his son MiniDiscs. He is succeeded by a daughter, MP3s, and a great uncle, Frisbees.
iPhone 4S' battery died on September 12, 2012. She was 11 months old. iPhone 4S is preceded in death by Motorola Bag Phone, Motorola DynaTAC, Nokia 5180, Motorola GSM 3200 Brick, Nokia N-Gage, Nokia 9000 Communicator, PalmOne Treo, BlackBerry Quark, Motorola Razor, HTC Universal, BlackBerry Pearl, LG Chocolate, HTC Touch, Helio Ocean, LG Shine, T-Mobile G1 Phone, BlackBerry Storm, Samsung Gravity, BlackBerry Curve, T-Mobile Sidekick, HTC Magic and iPhone 3G. In lieu of flowers, the family asks Siri if it is, in fact, raining outside.
Born on September 11, 2001, Swag was turned off on September 10, 2012, just a day short of his 11th birthday. Flashy and extremely fashionable, Swag always lived very carefully so as not to get jacked. Swag had many friends, relatives and loved ones in the hip-hop community, and was even named by NPR's All Things Considered program as "hip-hop's word of the year" on December 26th, 2011. Swag is preceded in death by his grandfather The Bomb, his mother Fly, and his brother Pimp. He is succeeded by his father Jay-Z, his step-father Lil B, and his sister Trill.