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A Male Enhancement Pill Slinger Likes The Cowboys' Odds!

By Pete on Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 10:00 AM

Welcome to D-Rated, our weekly feature that tries to determine if things are looking up or down for Dallasites by arbitrarily assigning point values to current events.

Just Super: Legendary Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson thinks the Cowboys are close to winning a Super Bowl title and he thinks that Tony Romo will lead them there. Awesome! Just remember: This is also a guy who shells "male enhancement" pills because they "work." Plus 6.

Electric Boogaloo: Dallas has the second most electric vehicle charging stations of any city in the country, which is pretty cool. But how many of those stations also boast awesome taco windows? Plus 5.

Careless: The Department of State Health Services fined Parkland Hospital $1 million for not being up to snuff with its patient care and safety regulations. But, hey, at least they're getting a movie, right? Minus 1.

Don't Let 'Em Bite: Bedbugs are invading North Texas. And we were worried about mosquitoes. Minus 2.

On and Off: Actually, maybe we should worry about mosquitoes: Even after aerial spraying, Dallas County suffered another West Nile-related death this week. No wonder over-the-counter bug sprays are in short supply in area convenience stores. Minus 12.

That's Life: A Waxahachie man got sentenced to life in prison this week for drunk driving. Sound harsh? The repeat offender was sentenced to life for the same thing 11 years ago. Perhaps he was too drunk to remember. Minus 2.

Bigger Isn't Always Better: Dallas has made the Canadian version of Bravo one of the fastest-rising stations in Canada. Canadians are pissed, though, claiming that the station is supposed to be an advocate for the arts, and that Dallas isn't art. In Canada's defense, Patrick Duffy's acting ability can hardly be deemed artful. Minus 1.

Go Eagles: So. Allen High School's new football stadium cost $60 million to build. Seems reasonable. Minus 1.

Reefer Madness: 1,200 pounds of marijuana plants were confiscated from a wooded southern Dallas area last weekend. If we learned anything from our Econ 101 classes, it's this: That decrease in supply means that dime bag you were hoping to score could soon be a nickel-and-dime bag. Minus 12.

A Good Day: A man wielding an AK-47 while walking through downtown was arrested this week. I know what you're thinking, but, no, it wasn't Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Minus 1.

Total Hack: The ' Tumblr was apparently hacked this week. Or so went the paper's defense when an NSFW photo was put up on their page. Right. Listen, Morning News: We've accidentally reblogged something we weren't supposed to on Tumblr before, too. It happens. Minus 1.

Peep Show: A Frisco tanning salon owner was arrested for peeping at teenage girls undressing in his store. As if skin cancer wasn't enough of a reason to not go tanning. Minus 2.

Drive Slow, Homie: Dallas drivers are the 34th worst in America? Could've fooled us. We would've guessed 26th. Plus 12.

Last week's running total: Minus 5.74.
This week's count: Minus 12.
This week's running total: Minus 17.74.