Achy Breaky Art.
10 Reasons Not To Date Someone In The Arts.
By Cabe Booth on Wednesday, June 6, 2012 at 4:34 PM
[Editor's Note: If you've ever been to Curtain Club, you know Cabe Booth. All those paintings of all those the bands on the Deep Ellum music venue's walls? Booth's the guy responsible for them -- along with thousands of other musician paintings you've no doubt seen around town. Point is, the guy knows what he's doing -- and what he's talking about. .
So it was a little curious when, a few weeks back, this renowned local artist posted to his Facebook wall a diatribe about why dating an artist might not be the best idea. His rant didn't come completely out of the blue, though; that night, he'd stumbled upon an article detailing 10 reasons why dating someone in the arts was a good idea. Disgusted by the article's reasoning, Booth simply posted his response to each reason.
It's a pretty entertaining read. If nothing else, Booth's take provides some interesting insight into the dating mind of an artist. So, with his permission, we now present his thoughts to you.]
OK. Here's this article called "10 Reasons to Date Someone in the Arts." I am going to comment on the points as I read this article.
Ready? Good. Don't interrupt me trying to to ask me out or to meet up for exciting artist sex. Let me just get through this. Then I can get back to scattering my seed all over everyone.
1. They will always have a friend who's in a show, or having a reading, or playing a gig, or showing in an art gallery.... which means you constantly get to go on cool, interesting dates.
The statement made by the author above is flawed.
Just because I always have a friend who's in a show, or having a reading, or playing a gig, or showing in an art gallery, does not automatically mean -- and its absofuckinglutely ridiculous to think it -- that "you constantly get to go on cool, interesting dates." In fact, I can think of a few bands that, if I took a date to see them, said date would never stop slapping me.
I wish everything creative was automatically cool and/or interesting, but it's not true.
I mean, why do you think Van Gogh cut his ear off? That's right: Too many failed dates at the music venue.
2. Artists often get paid nothing, but the amount of free booze at these things almost makes up for it... And everyone in the arts knows at least one bartender willing to give free drinks.
No. No, it doesn't. Jesus, shut up. I cannot vomit a pint of jagermeister on my landlord in lieu of rent. In fact, what you just said isn't just a warning bell for alcoholism, it's a fucking Klaxon horn stuck on honk. Oh my daughter? And rent? Food? A/C? Water? Fuck that. All will be OK now that I got drunk.
Beyond that, I have been stumping around the music and arts scene since 1985. Let's see how many bartenders willing to give free drinks I know. The answer is zero.
What you are suggesting as fact isn't totally absurd. Sure, I knew bartenders like that -- until they got fired after I (and my obviously alcoholic date) sucked the moisture off of the bar, night after night.
3. People who work in the arts often have relatively free/strange schedules... Lots of late nights, yes, but also lots of randomly free weekdays for impromptu trips or day dates."
No. People working in the arts do not. People who are trying to work in the arts (or gave up) "have strange/free schedules."
Also, Why is this author obsessed with free stuff?
I hope she, supposedly like me, doesn't have a busy schedule, 'cause after I get done drinking, she and I are going to the airport so I can vomit this Ace Pear Cider all over a pilot and paying for a round trip flight to effing Fantasy Island.
4. Artists are a fairly welcoming, accepting bunch... You think your parents are weird? You haven't been to art school.
Hey, we accepted a half-empty bottle of Triple Sec instead of monetary payment for that gig we did earlier this week, so why wouldn't we accept you, too? Oh and I just remembered: Try and ignore/avoid the rest of the artists who fall outside the "fairly welcoming" definition. They are a "fairly unwelcoming mob of a-holes." Even in art school.
5. People in the arts are used to partying late into the night after a show or gig, no matter how early they have to get up the next morning... In other words, they'll never be ready to go home before you are.
So, "in other words," you're saying that all artists are irresponsible binge drinkers that will cause you to get fired. Again with the booze, huh?
The truth is, artists won't go anywhere unless they can end the evening by hocking the rent into a toilet bowl.
Oh, excuse me, I mean "someone in the arts."
6. They're not repressed... Given that they've devoted their entire life to the expression of human imagination, you can be pretty confident that someone in the arts is pretty in touch with their feelings.
Holy crap, are you naive! This is the most assumptive dur-dee-dur generalization of a group of people an author's clearly never met since Mein Kampf.
And I hate to break it to you, but I have not had that ceremony where I devoted my "entire life to the expression of human imagination."
7. Isn't it everyone's secret wish to inspire a song or a painting or a character in a book?... It's not gonna happen by dating a banker.
No, that's not everyone's secret wish. And, let's see, you're dating me, hoping that I will put you in a book, song or painting? That will only happen sans pants, so get 'em off. Also, so you know: Dating a banker might allow you the financial freedom to take up the arts and learn to do it yourself, you lazy shit.
8. They tend not to be high maintenance... Someone in the arts is used to long hours and little pay and slices of pizza scarfed down at 1 a.m. and rehearsing in hallways and commuting by bus and doing things on the cheap. And they know how to have fun in otherwise cramped/boring/uncomfortable situations.
What you wrote there describes every day of my life since I graduated! You nailed it. Wow. And I thought my life was mysterious to outsiders.
9. People in the arts tend to have pretty good taste in music, books, art, etc... so if you're lacking in the aesthetics department, they can make you (or your apartment) look good.
What a fucking poser.
10. Artists lead exciting, passionate lives... And when you date them, you get to be a part of it for a while.
Sorry, but I have no time to comment on this one. Ive gotta get back to my exciting and passionate life in the arts.